Remember when I loved my alone time?
Well, that has changed.
Drastically.
It took 24 days of being out on my own before it kicked in but its finally here. And obviously I thought I was in the clear at this point, so it sideswiped me pretty damn good. I've been crying myself to sleep. Which leads to me being extremely pissed off.
No, this does not mean I'm going back to Kevin.
That's not even an option. Ever.
It does mean I have a lot of stuff to work on.
Previously I said I was stuck in a routine.
But I do need a routine. Just a new, very detailed one.
I cannot remember the last time I was single.
That is not a good thing.
I don't even think I know who I am without a man.
Another bad thing.
Its time to live my life for me.
Do exactly what I want do to, when I want to do it.
More importantly, it's time to find myself.
& be that woman.
4 comments:
You have done a good job so far, keep your head up and take advantage of this alone time. That way when it comes time for you to meet someone else you will know exactly who you are and what you want! I don't see you being single for long, you have too many qualities that any man would be ignorant not to want or overlook! Crank some music up in those quiet times and dance some calories off! That way when you go to bed you are actually tired and you don't lay there forever and think about being alone. Tears come with everything..bad, happy, sad, excitement..save yours for the happy moments you are owed!
I can't tell you how proud of you I am! I think you are doing a great job! I know it gets lonely! But you are a strong beautiful woman! And this will make you stronger! You can come over anytime to eat dinner with me or we can start crafting! Love you!
I know how u feel OMG i wish i was back in the state maybe we could bee roomate lol hope u feel better soon!!! ;0) oxox
Dear Jess
I know how hard it is...I have been where you are. The important thing is this...you have been through a whole lot and in a very short period of time. Look back and think of all the important things you have done for yourself. These things were ALL very big difficult decisions and you acted on them, something very few people can say. Think of all the women who stay with a man who is abusive, or cheating, or mentally abusive, and those women who cannot leave because they do not have the strength.
You left, you had the strength, and you found yourself a little place of your own. Do you have any clue how many people cannot say that because they do not have that inner strength?
Now things have settled down, and I think it is all hitting you in the quite times. Its ok to cry, you deserve to get those bottled feelings out. I think it may be worse if you didnt cry, because bottled up feelings are toxic.
During these times you should find a hobby, worked for me. Find some books you have been dying to read, watch some movies that make you laugh, call a friend or family member. If you are having some difficulties with being alone, join a gym and go a couple times a week. Distraction of the mind is the key (instead of dwelling on the sadness)...until you get used to the foreigness of your life at the point. and think this one though...These feelings are not forever...they will pass with time. The ending of a marriage is like a death...even if it ended badly. Many books I have read say there is a mourning time, not for that person you left, but for that person you were, and the life you had lead with that person...they are now gone and a new life has begun. It takes time to get used to that new life!! I am more than happy to talk to you about this stuff, esp when you are really down. Email me, or ask for my number...I am happy to help ya through the best I can.
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.That will be the beginning.”
“Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.”
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
Live to experience something new each day - to learn something new, to meet a new friend, to bring joy into someone's life, to feel the wind newly on your skin, to touch a new fear and a new anger, and with focused intent and good fortune, to find an ample measure of your own joy.
my email is cooljessie1@hotmail.com if you need anything!!!
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